That day of the year is about to come in a few weeks from now. A day I eagerly wait for every year and when my excitement knows no bounds. And an occasion when I remain equally numb as well.
Every time I see a sister holding her little brother's hand protectively while walking him to school, or a kid sister clutching her brother's hand tightly while crossing the road, or a brother giving his sister a ride on his new cycle in the colony, or when I overhear the routine squabbles between the brother-sister duo from the flat next door in the mornings, fighting like cats and dogs, and then seeing them leave together for their colleges chatting and giggling as if nothing had happened a few minutes earlier, I can't help but smile with tears welling up in my eyes. All such sights often come to my notice over the course of a day, as if to tease me what all I have missed all these years. They stir up my long-buried emotions, making me feel the pinch even more for all that I never really got to experience while growing up. I will probably never come to know the unique affection (and exasperation) that comes one's way when growing up with a sister.
I have always had this grouse since childhood that it was unfair of God not to have blessed me with a sister of my own. (I know, at times I can be a difficult person to be with but hasn't He given sisters to even worse people?) Whether I should call it His bias against me or an erroneously weighed punishment for my past sins, but each of my closest friends has been blessed with a sister of his own. It's just me who missed out. Was I wrong then for being envious of my friends?
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| The Sweet and Tangy Bond Between a Brother and his Sister |
Longing for a sister's love has always been there but when I was a kid, it was perhaps more about the rakhis. Seeing the wrists of my friends filled with rakhis and mine all barren would make me sulk. How I used to ask mummy innocently to bring me a sister from the market when she went for shopping and I would promise her that in return, I would once again come first in the class! When I grew up a bit and my cousins started sending me rakhis, how I used to look up for the Rakhi day and circle the date on the particular month as soon as I got hold of the new year's calendar and then counted the days and months left, every now and then! How I would wait eagerly during the preceding days, for the rakhis from my cousins or their letters! How during my school days at Delhi, I would ask Papa each day after he returned home from office, to enquire if any letter had come for me, expecting a rakhi! And there was also this one instance when the rakhis reached me two days after Rakhi day had gone. I had cried all day that no one loved me or remembered me and kept on cursing my luck. And when the rakhis finally reached me two days later, I kept the two rakhis tied on my wrist for more than a month and showed them off to my friends, as if to say, "I too have sisters". But who was I fooling?
As I put on a few years though, I realised that there was more to the ties between brothers and sisters than the one day ceremony of Rakhi. Their relationship is often a roiling mix of love and hate -- if at times they act like bitter rivals pulling each other's hair, at other times, they become each other's protective companions, standing up to a bully and watching out for each other to keep them from getting hurt; if at one moment they become partners in crime or each other's playmates, the next moment they would be bickering over a particular dining chair or the front seat of the car! Similarly a sister giving her younger brother a piggyback ride or a brother dropping off his sister and picking her up from her college function would probably be as common a sight as them fighting fiery battles over the TV remote, in most families. Nevertheless, though they may fight like Tom and Jerry all day long over the smallest of things and portray like they can't stand each other's sight but at their hearts, they remain inseparably connected and can't live without each other. I remember how one of my cousin brothers often used to fight with Didi but he was also the one who cried the most on her wedding night. Probably because he couldn't imagine a day with Didi not being around! That's how a sister weaves her magic and winds her brother around her little finger with her love. Haven't we so often seen a brother-sister spat ending up with both resolving not to talk to each other again but just a few minutes into it, each would be desperate to talk but egoistic enough not to make the first move? And then one of the two takes the initiative and both of them melt down and reconcile like nothing had ever happened. Or how annoyingly irritating a sister can be when she resorts to emotional blackmailing, for a certain wish of hers, until she gets her way. And when the brother gifts his sister her favourite chocolate, how she readily gives him too a share from that very chocolate so that they both can enjoy it together
. That's why a sister's presence is a necessity in every family to experience those 'little sweet, little sour' moments that go onto become unforgettable memories for life!
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| Various Equations between a Brother and his Sister |
It's not that I never have had my moments of sister's love. I did make some very good memories with my cousins. I often find myself traveling back in time to relive those moments. Reminiscing those instances when we really had fun never fails to bring me a smile. But the emotional connection that used to be then has slowly waned over the years, as I felt them gradually moving away from me looking for their personal spaces. I was probably becoming too overprotective and interfering for their liking. Even a few of my friends and some youngsters too have all along treated me like their brother, genuinely caring for me like a sister would do. They have comforted me during my tough times, they have endured my craziness too. We have shared wisdom and have shared many a laugh too. And I know I can count on their support and love on any given day. But perhaps one can never have a close enough relationship outside of family, that is bereft of formalities! Formalities do get in the way at some point in time and we are often restrained by social conventions. More so when they get entangled in their own familial responsibilities after marriage -- (our interactions gradually start diminishing until they come down to a few occasional phone calls or meets, and often the talks sound no more familiar; formal greetings and measured words would have replaced them. That's when it pains me the most, the feeling of gradually being distanced away). I wish I was their real brother, formalities wouldn't have come into the equation ever.
Had I got a sister of my own, I wouldn't have needed to weigh my feelings or measure my words before uttering a thing. I needn't have bothered about what time of the day it was, to have a heart-to-heart talk with her, nor would have I bothered about etiquette to tease her with weird names! She too probably wouldn't have hesitated ever to demand me fulfill her little and big wishes. And her wishes on not being fulfilled would have earned me her frowns. She would have probably remained grumpy all day
. How I would have loved to tease her then! And then when I would have fulfilled her wishes, how happy she would have been (and so would have been me
)! I kept a grudge on God for long for having denied me these simple, little joys that only one's own sister can give.
God must have had His own reasons for not blessing me with a sister of my own. And I have by now accepted His decision. I only wish and pray now to be blessed with a lively doll, in the form of a daughter, whose love and arrival into my life would fill up the vacuum that has built up over the years. All that I missed while growing up for not having a sister, I should be able to experience those small and big moments with my daughter. And I wish to be blessed with a son too so that the brother-sister duo would get each other's company while growing up and all that I never got to experience. I hope that God will be kind enough this time.
At the same time, I also wish and pray that those who have loved me unconditionally like their own brother all these years, may continue to shower their affection on me all through my life and may our bonds continue to strengthen with each passing year. Happy Rakhi to all sisters and brothers...
