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| One moment of weakness and you end up embracing death |
A Moment of Weakness...
Are you thinking about ending your life?
Do you feel helpless and hopeless,
Exhausted from the weight of wet eyelashes and tears
that flow down scalding the cheeks?
An overwhelming pain that feels like
it's boiling beneath your skin and flesh!
Is it that you feel you can take it no more,
All you want desperately is to quit... to end it at once,
to set yourself free!
There have been so many little 'dyings' every passing moment
that it doesn't matter which of them is death!
Judgements run wild,
on the verge of weakness,
A blank state of vision, pitch black surrounding you
You feel like you don’t belong anywhere,
You just want to embrace death,
You just want to get rid of the pain in a flash,
Nothing and no one comes to your mind...
not even your family, your loved ones!
Getting rid of an unbearable, lingering pain
that refuses any cure can't be mean, you think,
After all it's your life that you are taking!
But have you thought about the people you leave behind?
The people who care about you - your family, your friends?
Won't they be affected?
Yes, they will be.
They will be devastated in grief!
Your moment of weakness, a few seconds of madness...
you killing yourself will leave everyone of them shattered,
Can you still claim that you will get relief?
Please hold on... Please don't do it,
You have an entire life ahead of you,
waiting with so many possibilities
Say yes to Life,
Give it another chance!
I had written this note for myself, back in 2017 when I was emotionally in shambles, struggling with depression and had literally made up my mind about ending my life. I had just not been able to get over the betrayal in love and heartbreak (all the more so because it had happened a second time around). That feeling of emptiness and bitterness had completely overpowered me, so much that I just couldn't think of anything else other than having suicidal thoughts.
And then out of nowhere, those 5 kids (5 orphaned puppies) came into my life. They too were in a helpless state, having lost their mother Laali (a street dog in our colony whom I used to feed). That time, they were only 8 days old (their eyes were yet to open) when they got orphaned. They had no one to look after them, so I decided to bring them up.. and that decision saved my life because my entire focus then shifted onto them.
Those 5 months from 4th of December, 2017 to the end of April were really arduous but were also very satisfying. Raising five little lives, watching the babies literally grow on my lap, their innocence and their love actually acted as a balm on my bruised heart. In many ways, the phase surely taught me quite a few unforgettable life lessons. Had it not been for the five puppies, I would have been dead by now, so low I was in my life at that time. I had literally given up on everything and had lost all purpose in life. In the puppies, I found a reason, an immediate purpose - to save them, to raise them till they were big enough to face the world and in doing that, I was inch by inch coming out of my difficult phase. They surely were my saviors
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Everyone faces setbacks and failures in life at some point in time. A few of them can be really devastating as well. Of course, none of them can be so bad that we can't overcome them. However at times, these setbacks like disappointments in studies or career, or failure in relationships or rejection, physical or mental abuse, family issues or the death of a loved one can seem very overwhelming and can trigger many such negative emotions like despondency, frustration, regret and anger. These negative emotions can get to the core of one's emotional well-being and as a result, can push them into depression. They find it very hard to cope with the emotional turbulence and often at such times, get assailed by suicidal thoughts. Often they take the drastic step impetuously, believing that ending their lives would annihilate their sorrows, their dilemmas, their troubles and relieve them of their pain. But can death ever be a solution?
Speaking from my personal experience, I understood that suicide can never be a solution to anything, no matter how bad things are. But the truth is, depression and the accompanying negative feelings can cloud one's thinking and distort his judgement. He fails to see that he can still turn his life around, that no problem is ever permanent and a solution can surely be worked out.
It feels really bad that yet another young and promising guy (Sushant Singh Rajput) gave up on life (May his soul rest in peace). However, I wouldn't play the "join-the-dots" game as to what prompted Sushant to take the drastic step. Having gone through a similar phase myself, I can very well understand that it must have been really overwhelming. We all have different thresholds for tolerating pain, and we all have different points of no return. So we may not probably fully understand as to why some of us choose death over life. May be, all they needed was a good enough reason to live; and unfortunately they couldn't find one!
My advice to all youngsters who are thinking about ending their lives to get freedom from their problems and the resulting stress, would be to hang on for some more time instead and to give life another chance. Suicide never solves any problem nor can it ever.
If you are feeling overwhelmingly depressed or an issue is unbearably bothering you, do not endure it and suffer silently. Speak up. Confront your problem directly and at the same time, share it with someone who cares for you and ask for his/her help. Remaining isolated won't help you in any way, instead it will only feed negative feelings. Additionally, you should try to keep yourself busy in activities that can lift up your mood, spend more time with family or friends whom you consider trustworthy and understanding.
No problem is ever permanent, all bad phases eventually pass away. Remember that no matter how hopeless the situation might be feeling right now, but things can surely change for the better...
Just hang in there 