The Border-Gavaskar Cricket Test series between India and Australia concluded a few days back and as has become the norm with the Indian team in overseas series of late, their performances were anything but consistent. In fact, to be frank, it was yet another dismal show by the Indian team. The ICC Cricket World cup is about to commence too, in Australia and New Zealand in less than two weeks from now and going by the way the Indian one-day team has performed in the last couple of matches, I have now started to doubt if they actually will be able to defend their title of being the World Champions. I might be sounding cynical right now but I have braced myself for yet another disappointment and heartbreak - that of losing the World Cup.
And it's not just with cricket alone. In most of the major International sporting events, such as the Olympics and World Cups, especially when they are held outside India, for some reason, we aren't able to live up to the expectations. Be it Hockey or Tennis or any other sport, our teams fail to win a medal! Is it because of lack of enough match practice? Or is it because the players fail to handle the match pressure?
Now while I was thinking about it last evening, a thought struck me from nowhere. Why don't we conduct a spitting championship? How about having a World cup for tobacco-spitting? It could be something on the lines of, who could spit tobacco juice the farthest. We then wouldn't have to meet disappointments and we could easily remain the champions for years, winning the title every year without breaking a sweat because we are absolutely proficient at spitting, like no one else would be! It shouldn't be too difficult for India to organise one. I am sure, with its high revenue generating potential, some or the other tobacco company would gleefully accept our proposal and will sponsor the sporting event whereas advertisers too would line up in no time to market it. Millions in sponsor money will flow in, just like that. I feel, India should seriously think about starting a tobacco spitting championship because this would be one sport where, I am sure, no other nation, however talented their spitters might be, would even be able to compete with us, forget coming anywhere near our team's medal tally. After all, tobacco-spitting comes naturally to us. Don't we spit on the walls, on the roads, on the trees and just about everywhere and anywhere we feel like? Hah, it should be a cake-walk for our team.
So it shouldn't be difficult at all to put together a team as well, to represent our nation in the spitting championship. There is absolutely no dearth of tobacco-spitters in our country, we have them in plenty, one can find a champion spitter almost at every nook and corner in the country. In fact, it might become a headache of sorts for the selection committee regarding whom to select and whom to omit from the team!
And I am sure, the performances of our team wouldn't dip even a wee bit even if the championship were to be held outside India. When it comes to spitting, I believe, our players wouldn't need any practice-match either, to acclimatize themselves. Nor would they ever feel any match pressure. If we look at it this way, this spitting game could actually be one sport where we would be assured of winning the champions trophy by merely participating in it. Because I am pretty sure that our team players would give their all and would never let us down; we would definitely get to see some really scintillating performances by them. Without a doubt, I can say that we will win hands down!
I can even imagine some of our veteran players (who miss out on getting selected to the National team owing to their age and the selection committee's penchant for younger players) being called upon by other countries and being offered the job of the National coach to guide their team. After all, we have always been great exponents of this art and may be, our veteran players too wouldn't mind teaching the pupils of other nations a trick or two.
Considering that we seem to be religiously indulging in this tobacco spitting game almost every day, it would only be fair and befitting for this tobacco spitting game to dethrone cricket as the premier sport in India. It should get its due recognition. But alas, if only we didn't have "Swach Bharat" campaigns and other such cleanliness drives organised by the government and NGOs to play the spoilsport! Sigh...
