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| Remember The Lesson, Not The Disappointment |
Remember the lesson, not the disappointment..If you focus on the hurt, you will continue to suffer.
If you focus on the lesson, you will continue to grow.
We (must) have all faced setbacks and disappointments, something or the other, at some point in our lives. They are an inevitable part of human life. There will be times when things just don't go the way we had anticipated, in spite of our best efforts. It could be some bad news regarding our health or a failure in an examination despite toiling hard for it. It could be a job loss or a relationship not working out. It could be for not getting the promotion we had worked so hard for or some other situation when the outcome didn't turn out the way we had hoped or expected. At such times, it's quite natural to feel demoralised or to lose enthusiasm. But it is at this juncture that one shouldn't lose hope and give up. Instead he should look at it as a challenge. Of course it's quite possible that one may have to endure with more of such trials for a little while longer but then, time never stays the same. Things will surely take a turn for the better soon enough. One should always remember that it is by going through fire that gold comes out refined and more stronger.
So often we ponder over "Why me?" as if we are being victimised by Life arbitrarily, unjustly. Whether to ourselves or to others or to God, but how often have we not grumbled about Life being unreasonably unfair to us saying, "Why am I in this situation when others are in a better one?”
But that's how life goes... not always will it turn the way we would want it to. Some days will be better than the other ones while some days will test our patience to the hilt. Not all the time will we rejoice... sometimes we will be made to weep. That's how Life balances out. There will be times when we will commit mistakes, sometimes we will stumble while sometimes we will be taken by surprise, getting knocked down hard when we would be least expecting it. Sometimes we will be hurt while some other times we will be left scarred. But that is perhaps God's way of molding us into firmer and stronger individuals. So instead of comparing and complaining, if we start viewing the obstacles, the adversities in life as speed-breakers which were meant to save us from the bigger accidents ahead, our ride on the path of life (although mayn't become smooth enough thereafter, but) won't be that uncomfortable or won't seem that bumpy and rough.
I have learnt from my past experiences that in order to overcome one's disappointments effectively, one can adopt these measures:
1. Accept the reality and take lessons from the experience
The very first step would be to accept that the setback happened. Be willing to face the reality head on. Trying to avoid thinking about it at all will make it much worse. Rather think this way that what happened has already happened. It's in the past now, you can't change the outcome. But you can certainly take lessons from the experience - what all you could have done differently - so that you would be better prepared for any similar scenario in the future. One also needs to realize that carrying along disappointment from unfulfilled aspirations or expectations is a very heavy burden, not worth it. One should therefore learn to let it go.
2. Vent out your feelings
When a setback happens, it's quite normal to experience feelings of sadness, frustration or anger. One may possibly also be unsure or uncertain about his next steps. But do not try to suppress these attached feelings. Rather pour them out... write them down in a journal or share your thoughts with someone you trust. By venting out your emotions, not only will you feel lighter, but it can actually lead to greater clarity as well. You will find that you are likely to start moving forward!
3. Don't get stuck... make a plan about how to move forward.
Instead of sulking over a disappointment indefinitely, one's attitude should rather be “OK, now what?" Disappointments and setbacks are unavoidable realities, but wallowing in depression is optional! It's a choice one has to make - whether he wants to remain stuck in the past, dwelling on it all day long or would rather brush himself off and move on.
4. Be willing to try a different approach and so also check if your expectations were realistic!
Disappointments may even make one feel inadequate - that he is not good enough. But one shouldn't get disheartened. Don't judge yourself harshly, rather be kind to yourself. When things don't go as expected, it may not necessarily be because you did something wrong. Remember that a setback is not the end of the world! Also may be, it just requires a different approach. Be willing to try. However, at the same time, don't forget to check if your expectations were realistic!
5. Be optimistic and look for the silver lining.
Every setback also provides a possibility for a beneficial outcome. In the wise words of Alexander Graham Bell, "When one door closes, another opens; but we often look so long and so regretfully upon the closed door that we do not see the one which has opened for us." Therefore look for the silver lining in the perceived setback. May be, the situation is presenting you a new opportunity to move on to bigger and better things. You may discover opportunities that have always been waiting for you on the other side!
Of course, like others, I too have tripped and fallen down, I too have had my fair share of setbacks and disappointments. Yes, life has shaken me off balance on quite a number of occasions and there were also times when I was knocked down pretty badly. However, each time, I chose to rise up again. As the great philosopher and writer Paulo Coelho had once said, "an arrow can be shot only by pulling it back. So when life is dragging us back with adversities, it means that it is going to launch us to victory". Accepting that everything happens for a reason and that I will never be finished, rather I will always be "a work-in-progress", I decided that I will henceforth never ask Life “Why me?" ...I will instead say “Try me”.
