(A fictional short story)
“Have you seen my presentation CD, Mamuni? I am not finding it, I had kept it right here, in the drawer yesterday evening when ……... “, I stopped midway with a lump in my throat, followed by a deafening silence, tears stinging my eyes. Almost a week has now gone by to Mamuni’s marriage. But I have got so used to having her arrange things for me that I forget every now and then that she has now left for her marital home; that she has embarked on a new journey in her life.
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| (Image Source: JonSpot Photography) |
Time flies away so quickly, I could never know when my little princess grew up into a young girl! It seems like it was only yesterday that I was sitting beside Saumyaa’s bed at the maternity ward, both of us marveling at our doll’s baby button nose and her little wiggly toes, watching her sleep in her cradle. It seems like it was only yesterday that she was tugging at my hair with her itsy-bitsy fingers, and drooling all over my face. It seems like it was only yesterday that I was tossing her up in my arms, and cuddling her! It seems like it was only yesterday that she was riding on my shoulders saying “chal ghoda, chal”! It seems like it was only yesterday that I had tiptoed quietly around her room picking up her dolls from the foot of her bed, after she fell asleep! It seems like it was only yesterday that I dropped her off to school for the first time, waving her good-bye and she running back towards me crying “Papa, I don’t want to go to school, please take me back with you”. It seems like it was only yesterday that I was waiting like any other parent, for my daughter’s name to be called out on stage and watch her go and collect her 1st award! I wish I could grasp a moment, and make the clock stand still, so that I could let my heart catch up, but I know it never will.
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| (Image Source: Palpal India) |
I can still feel the touch of her weightless feet upon my own as she walked holding firmly my fingers. How can I forget her bustling around through the rooms with her Winnie-The Pooh bear in one hand and her Barbie doll in the other? Or her innocent fears “Papa, there is someone scary hiding under my bed” believing that her papa was the strongest man on earth and could tame any dragon! Or the elated state that she was in when she learnt riding a cycle. Or her attentive eyes when she was learning to use a computer, for the first time. Or the cut on her knees that she got while running after a butterfly in the park, the one she so dearly wanted to catch; her cries of “Papa……”, as she stumbled upon a rock, still ring in my ears. I had nursed cuts before, had seen blood before, but could never see her writhing in pain that way. I almost fainted seeing her scraped skin. Her cries stopped, and it was she who was comforting me (rather than the other way around), saying “It’s ok, papa, it’s just a minor cut, it will heal up soon”. That was the day perhaps when she became my mother rather than me being her father!
Mamuni has always been very brave, very matured for her age; perhaps God had knowingly sent me an angel! All children need a mother and a father; unfortunately this is not always possible. She was just 3 years old when Saumyaa died, leaving us father-daughter duo alone. Though mummy was always there with us, and I tried my best, but then no one can really take up the place of a mother. Everyone had suggested me to get remarried, for they felt it impossible for a single father to bring up his daughter all alone. Someone had even asked me “Are you the perfect person to take care of your little daughter, all alone?”
“Nobody is absolutely perfect. Even God knows that I am not. But I love Mamuni the most that anyone could possibly do to her. In the end, that is what matters”.
May be, I haven’t been the perfect father. Had Saumyaa being there with us, Mamuni would have got the best of both worlds and would have learnt in a more elegant way. Though I did pass on my culinary skills to Mamuni and so did my passion for art and paintings, but there were times when I actually thought about how Mamuni had missed getting inputs from her mother -- may be about classical dance classes, or while choosing the right shades for fingernail polish, or watching her mother put make-up on, in front of the mirror, or while braiding her hair or as a playmate to give company while playing with her Barbie doll or perhaps more importantly, spending quality time with her! I could have never matched Saumyaa in all these. There must have been times when Mamuni would have sought my presence at home, but I was away at office, working! She would have definitely felt her mother’s absence all these years, but never ever let it to show up before me. All these years she has remained my best friend, for better, for worse; through thick and thin -- so understanding, so caring a daughter one could ever imagine.
She never ever bugged me for anything, not even when she needed a playmate to play with her Barbie doll, though I tried to pitch in sometimes. She loved her Barbie doll (Soni) more than her life. “Papa, I will never give my Soni (her Barbie doll) to anyone”, Mamuni would say.
“Of course dear, even I will never ever let anyone take away my Barbie doll (Mamuni) from me” I had said to myself.
Mamuni has always been such a filial daughter, I can’t deny that I am feeling a great loss. I am missing her so terribly. Indeed time goes away so fast, it’s hard to believe that only a week back my darling little daughter was home here with me.
Mamuni’s vidaai will always remain etched on my mind. “My little princess” I said, as Mamuni was getting into the car. The love of a lifetime seemed to tremble in those three words. In an instant her arms were around my neck, and we both sobbed like kids.
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| (Image Source: www.rosalin.com) |
I had always wanted a daughter, I had always prayed for one, though Saumyaa wanted a son. God listened to my prayers and sent us an angel. It had never dawned on me then that one day I would have to give my Barbie Doll over to another man, who loves her as much as I do, or perhaps more than I do. Though I am feeling a part of me gone away, but her happiness is what matters to me more. Though I struggle to hold back my tears but perhaps that’s how a daughter’s father should go on...
